Pirating to Supplement Family Income

OK. I've got it.

And I came up with this while sailing far from the influence of Johnny Depp and the (resulting?) recent re-surgence in popularity of the genre/characterization. I actually was tipped off to this by none other than the National Geographic-a worthy and upstanding literary source, to be sure...

To subsidize my meager income from being a public school teacher of English and enlightening the minds of certain high school students, I am going to spend my summers pirating. That's right. Even now, I'm practicing the swagger, the accent, and the unmistakable authenticity of various prose, vocabulary, and dialect. It's not as easy as it seems-coming up with a character sketch that both fits my personal temperment while still adhering to the universal Pirate Code. After much consideration, I would be a "gentleman pirate". I would kill no one. I would refrain from raping, pillaging (well, I would pillage), and burning others' property. It seems only fair and right. What would I gain from that reprehensible behavior? I just need the booty. (Baby needs new shoes).

Overwhelming! There is so much more to consider, build, work over, and obtain. First off, I would need a ship--a worthy vessel--not too tidy, but not too unkempt. Not too big, not too small. It must have little holes for guns because, even though I have sworn gentleman-cy, I have to be able to bluff my way into the darkest corners of my potential victims' hearts and minds, so they will freely volunteer their booty (Baby needs new haircut), without a fight. [memo to self--can my crew commit murder, in my stead? Must consider this.]

More on pirating soon...

-Greenbeard, the dreaded 3-eyed Irish pirate