Wisdom from the Weekend

I just returned from a nice little weekend hanging with some
of my best friends in the world. Every now and then, we all
converge upon a certain secret location and reflect on life
and cause a measured level of havoc during the process. I
write this sitting in the airport leaning against some weird
"cell phone-plug-in-for-this-[fill in the blank]-must-have-
service" kiosk.

The plane is late. The group still waiting for their plane
and occupying my gate, the LaGuardia crowd, is getting restless.
There is a measure of trouncing and hoof stamping among the
pilgrims. Conglomerate, laptop-toting cows in a pen. Time to
check out of the scene and reflect...

There is never an occasion of intersection with my friends that
I do not gain a substantial litany of new ruminations, accumulat-
ed wisdom, and other considerations. There is a veritable faucet
of "outside the box" conversation that occurs.

So, after a time of meditation, low-level levitation and reflection,
I respectfully submit, for your consideration, the following tid-
bits of wisdom, misconstruences and misspeelings and potential
reality as seen through my friends, long may they roam and procreate...
or at least go through the motions of such.


I have deemed the following list the "20 Epiphanies":

1-Forks do not fling themselves.
2-Slobber is an unfortunate by-product of dogs and some women.
3-That 'Scream' mask is the scariest piece of vinyl I've ever seen.
What is it about that thing?!
4-We all own too much stuff.
5-We all spend whatever we've got.
6-The Mayan calendar stops in the year 2012. In a related story,
there is supposed to be a second killer asteroid heading for us right
now. We thrive largely due to a constant informational barrage of
potential disasters and misfortune on a global scale. Why is that?
7-Swimming pools have a maximum density.
The equation is as follows: (F+x) + (By)/PV. This equation is absolute.
8-Sometimes in life the wires seem invisible. Sometimes they are
painfully obvious. Either way, they're there.
9-Silly string is.
10.Silly putty isn't.
11-There should be a direct correlation between what we say and how
much time we have to say it.
12-If the luggage bag doesn't fit in the overhead compartment, push
harder.
13-"Feathering" the clutch is not the answer for obtaining more power.
14-Planet Earth is the coolest series ever on TV, aside from the
collected works of Matt Groening, which is, without peer,the most
anthropologically important documentation of our American culture...
for better or worse.
15-When they're not there, they're there.
16-Or they're at the other place.
17-The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily consistent with
that of the ownership and management of the Parent Company.
18-No one knows who comprises the Parent Company, though there are
rumors.
19-It is imperative that we respond to our world by being the Hands
and Feet of God. We must wash ourselves often and thoroughly. Behind
the ears, too.
20-Some houses are built with straw, and some with bricks, but you
can also build houses with wooden palettes. And they're pretty good
ones, all told. I guess you can build them with tumble weeds, too.

There. The 20 Epiphanies. Though they were born of the weekend and
its specific activities, I encourage you to experiment with their
breadth, and consider applying them to your larger life in such areas
as relationships, Faith, care of domestic animals and children, business
and financial decisions, sex, and car maintanence.